The Lesser Affleck Takes The Gold

There was a lot going on this past Sunday, it was Oscar night and I was in Vegas, visiting with a few of my girlfriends. The cheese spread was laid out, the veggies cut into perfect squares, and glasses of white wine flowed as we clutched our Oscar prediction ballots, not knowing this would become one of the most memorable Academy Award nights in history due to the baffling envelope mix-up that temporarily awarded the Best Picture to the wrong film. Within seconds, this unprecedented snafu became the headline that would haunt you for days if you were daring enough to turn on the television, radio, computer or even pick up a newspaper (’cause yes, they still exist). Like the nagging hook on an otherwise good song, it was all that people cared to talk about, probably because for the most part, if you didn’t watch the entire show, it was all you had heard about. But I feel it’s important to take a pause from addressing that particular WTF moment to examine another, and that was the awarding of the Best Leading Actor Oscar to the significantly lesser of the two Afflecks, Casey.

Manchester By The Sea is a decent film, sure  it’s a sad, depressing picture about loss, set in Boston led by a sullen man who requires few words – leaving Michelle Williams to do all the emotional heavy lifting in the most powerful scene of the film. And for the most part, Casey Affleck nailed the part, he can do the brooding Boston thing and we all know this because it is pretty much the only role he has ever played.  Gone Baby Gone, Good Will Hunting, Oceans Eleven – these are his biggest roles and he always plays “dat Boston guy.” Casey Affleck is a one-trick pony and yet somehow managed to get rewarded for yet another one of his carbon copy performances this year by taking home an Oscar! How did this happen?

As a voting member for the Television Academy, I have a little insight to the mind of a voter and I must admit I am perplexed at the selections made this year. Personally, I feel it is taken far too lightly if a voter doesn’t take into consideration the actual skill and range of the person they are selecting to win the highest honor of the year. For example if you were looking to cast someone in the role of a DEA agent in Texas, or a Pennsylvania Mennonite – or heck, even a California surfer,  Casey Affleck ain’t your guy. This guy is only this {} much more qualified as an actor than the pizza guy in a porn. Technically, the same could be said for Emma Stone, who has run the “I’m such a down-to-earth, cool, guy’s girl, look at my big eyes” role into the ground, but I could actually imagine her offering some range if she would dare herself to do something powerful that landed her miles outside of her comfort zone. Affleck on the other hand, I don’t think is even capable. So, without even taking into consideration the sexual assault allegations against Casey, or the astonishingly poor behavior Stone displayed when trying to stir the Best Picture shit pot by insinuating the academy outright lied about the envelope swap to multiple reporters, I sit here scratching my head wondering how these two jokers are walking away with the title Best of anything. Guess this is one more example of how 2016 was a year chockfull of terrible voting results.


I ain’t afraid of no ghosts… till now

I was actually really geeking out when rumors were flying last year that they were thinking about doing an all female Ghostbusters. This coincided with a period of time when I had been developing a lot of my own writing, so I actually sat down one day and thought through what I would do with the plot if I were in charge.

So, today was the day I had been anxiously awaiting, they dropped the first Ghostbusters trailer and I wanted to see if it was anything like I had thought or perhaps something even better. It is not. Not even close… not even funny. And this criticism is coming from a girl who loves all four of those actresses, including Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones. I still watch SNL once in a while, even though the only “cool thing” to do is bash it mercilessly and squawk about how it hasn’t been funny since Belushi died (insert world’s largest eye roll). But, sorry – not even I can find a way to defend that hot steaming pile of trailer that made my eyes burn.  Was it really that bad? I watched it twice – dear gawd yes. So, many questions bounced around my head – why are they doing a reboot and not a stand alone? Could they be saving all the funny stuff for the movie? Did they forget to watch the original film and design the new ghosts after the ecto-cooler drink logo?

Anyway, in an effort to wash the gross out of my mind, and because I think it would be fun,  I’m going to share a quick version of what I had outlined more than a year ago:


Ghostbusters headquarters is 30 years older and falling to pieces, and so is it’s last remaining inhabitant, Dr. Raymond Stantz. The much rounder and grayer Ghostbuster does an interview with the local news about selling the building and contents, he admits he will be retiring to florida since there isn’t much use for a Ghostbusting business after they were phased out by a phone app.

Eventually, it’s purchased by a group of three super nerdy women in their late 30’s (led by a liz lemon type), they set out to restore the building to it’s former glory and turn it into a museum.

At the celebrity filled party for the inauguration of the museum, a careless waiter pops a bottle of champagne and the cork smashes through the glass peep hole of one of the containment units. An initial gasp comes across the crowd, but our liz lemon type assures everyone there is nothing to worry about since these units have been clear for years. She couldn’t be more wrong and a ghost emerges from the unit and begins to wreak havoc. People scream and try to open their Ghostbusting apps, but their cell phones can’t generate service.

Across the city, all of the ghosts people had previously been scaring away with their apps are reclaiming their space due to the large scale phone outage (quick homage to the original GB montage).

Taken in by the law, the women are told as the new owners of the facility, they are to be held accountable for everything and had better fix it. Without any working phones to contact any of the actual Ghostbusters, the three women go to visit the one person they know is left in New York City who might be able to help them. They tap lightly on an old rusted apartment door.

“Whaddya want?” A sassy Janine says. After hearing their plight and initially slamming the door in their faces, Janine reluctantly agrees to help them. They gather intel and equipment back at HQ, and figure out how to stop the ghost. They suit up and Janine takes her rightful place as Ghostbuster number 4. Hijinks ensue as the novice group try to locate and take down the frequency disturbing ghost – and they eventually get the job done.

Back at HQ, Janine shows the girls how to store the ghosts properly. The phone is ringing off the hook, people are calling in – no longer confident their phone apps will keep ghosts at bay they need the Ghostbusters to trap them for good. With a growing confidence among the younger team, they decide it’s fate to reopen the business. Janine says she’s too old for this crap though and takes off her uniform, while the other girls gear up to head out again. Our Liz Lemon leader says they will need some help cover the phones for a bit. Janine rolls her eyes and turns away, we secretly see she is giddy when she slides into her old desk, looking exactly the way it had in 1984. The phone rings again.

“Ghostbusters whaddya want?” Janine shouts into the phone.

Fade to black.


Sure, it’s not a prize winner, but I spent all of 20 minutes on it and think it’s far more relatable then that very odd trailer. I could be wrong, but that is where my gut stands as of now.

I’d love to hear what you think about the trailer and what you hope to see in the reboot. After all, there is always HOPE.